Post by Steve Howton on Apr 29, 2003 6:09:49 GMT -5
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED
1. No matter how hard you try, you can't baptise cats.
2. When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3. If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4. Never ask your 3-year-old brother to hold a tomato.
5. You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6. Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7. Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8. You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9. Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10. The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa or Grandma's lap.
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED
1. Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-o to the wall.
2. Wrinkles don't hurt.
3. Families are like fudge, mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4. Today's mighty oak is just yesterdays nut that held it's ground.
5. Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6. Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fibre, not the joy.
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
1. Growing old is mandatory: growing up is not
2. Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3. When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4. You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5. It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6. Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7. Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
SUCCESS
AT AGE 4 SUCCESS IS NOT PEEING YOUR PANTS
AT AGE 12 SUCCESS IS HAVING FRIENDS
AT AGE 16 SUCCESS IS HAVING A DRIVER'S LICENSE
AT AGE 20 SUCCESS IS HAVING SEX
AT AGE 35 SUCCESS IS HAVING MONEY
AT AGE 50 SUCCESS IS HAVING MONEY
AT AGE 60 SUCCESS IS HAVING SEX
AT AGE 70 SUCCESS IS HAVING A DRIVER'S LICENSE
AT AGE 75 SUCCESS IS HAVING FRIENDS
AT AGE 80 SUCCESS IS!! NOT PEEING IN YOUR PANTS
1. No matter how hard you try, you can't baptise cats.
2. When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3. If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4. Never ask your 3-year-old brother to hold a tomato.
5. You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6. Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7. Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8. You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9. Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10. The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa or Grandma's lap.
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED
1. Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-o to the wall.
2. Wrinkles don't hurt.
3. Families are like fudge, mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4. Today's mighty oak is just yesterdays nut that held it's ground.
5. Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6. Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fibre, not the joy.
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
1. Growing old is mandatory: growing up is not
2. Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3. When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4. You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5. It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6. Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7. Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
SUCCESS
AT AGE 4 SUCCESS IS NOT PEEING YOUR PANTS
AT AGE 12 SUCCESS IS HAVING FRIENDS
AT AGE 16 SUCCESS IS HAVING A DRIVER'S LICENSE
AT AGE 20 SUCCESS IS HAVING SEX
AT AGE 35 SUCCESS IS HAVING MONEY
AT AGE 50 SUCCESS IS HAVING MONEY
AT AGE 60 SUCCESS IS HAVING SEX
AT AGE 70 SUCCESS IS HAVING A DRIVER'S LICENSE
AT AGE 75 SUCCESS IS HAVING FRIENDS
AT AGE 80 SUCCESS IS!! NOT PEEING IN YOUR PANTS
