Post by PurplySparkleyJoey on May 1, 2002 6:19:58 GMT -5
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:
Take off clothes and place in laundry hamper according to lights, darks,
whites, man-made or natural.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If husband seen along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom.
Look at womanly physique in the mirror and stick out belly.
Squeeze legs/arse to show cellulite.
Complain and whine to self about getting fat.
Get in shower.
Look for facecloth, armcloth, loincloth, long loofah, exfoliating gloves, foot grater, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash hair once with Cucumber and Comfry shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
Wash hair again with Cucumber and Comfry shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
Condition hair with Cucumber and Comfry conditioner with enhanced wild crocus oil.
Leave on hair for 15 minutes.
Wash face with crushed apricot kernel facial scrub for 10 minutes until red raw.
Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off for at least 15 minutes to make sure it has all come off.
Shave armpits and legs.
Consider shaving bikini line but decide to have it waxed instead.
Scream loudly when husband flushes toilet and water turns scalding hot.
Turn off shower.
Squeegee all wet surfaces in shower.
Apply bathroom cleaner to mould spots in shower cubicle.
Get out of shower.
Dry with towel the size of a small African country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.
Check entire body for remotest signs of spots/blemishes.
Attack with squeezer/nails.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If husband seen, cover up any exposed areas, rush into bedroom and spend half an hour getting dressed.
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:
Take off clothes whilst sitting on the bed and leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom. If wife seen, shake knob at her whilst shouting 'Whey Hey!'
Look in mirror and suck in gut to admire manly physique.
Admire size of knob in mirror, scratch bollocks and smell fingers for one last whiff.
Get in shower.
Wash face.
Wash armpits.
Laugh at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.
Wash bollocks and surrounding area.
Wash arse and leave pubic hair on soap.
Shampoo hair but do not use conditioner.
Make mohican style with shampoo.
Pull back curtain to see self in the mirror.
Piss in shower.
Rinse off and get out of shower.
Fail to notice puddle on the floor as curtain was outside of bath for duration of shower.
Partially dry off.
Look at self in the mirror.
Flex muscles and admire size of knob again.
Leave shower curtain open and wet mat on floor.
Leave bathroom light on and extractor fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel round waist.
If you pass wife, pull off towel, grab knob, go 'Yeah baby' and thrust pelvis at her.
Put on yesterday's clothes.
Take off clothes and place in laundry hamper according to lights, darks,
whites, man-made or natural.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If husband seen along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom.
Look at womanly physique in the mirror and stick out belly.
Squeeze legs/arse to show cellulite.
Complain and whine to self about getting fat.
Get in shower.
Look for facecloth, armcloth, loincloth, long loofah, exfoliating gloves, foot grater, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash hair once with Cucumber and Comfry shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
Wash hair again with Cucumber and Comfry shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
Condition hair with Cucumber and Comfry conditioner with enhanced wild crocus oil.
Leave on hair for 15 minutes.
Wash face with crushed apricot kernel facial scrub for 10 minutes until red raw.
Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off for at least 15 minutes to make sure it has all come off.
Shave armpits and legs.
Consider shaving bikini line but decide to have it waxed instead.
Scream loudly when husband flushes toilet and water turns scalding hot.
Turn off shower.
Squeegee all wet surfaces in shower.
Apply bathroom cleaner to mould spots in shower cubicle.
Get out of shower.
Dry with towel the size of a small African country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.
Check entire body for remotest signs of spots/blemishes.
Attack with squeezer/nails.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If husband seen, cover up any exposed areas, rush into bedroom and spend half an hour getting dressed.
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:
Take off clothes whilst sitting on the bed and leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom. If wife seen, shake knob at her whilst shouting 'Whey Hey!'
Look in mirror and suck in gut to admire manly physique.
Admire size of knob in mirror, scratch bollocks and smell fingers for one last whiff.
Get in shower.
Wash face.
Wash armpits.
Laugh at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.
Wash bollocks and surrounding area.
Wash arse and leave pubic hair on soap.
Shampoo hair but do not use conditioner.
Make mohican style with shampoo.
Pull back curtain to see self in the mirror.
Piss in shower.
Rinse off and get out of shower.
Fail to notice puddle on the floor as curtain was outside of bath for duration of shower.
Partially dry off.
Look at self in the mirror.
Flex muscles and admire size of knob again.
Leave shower curtain open and wet mat on floor.
Leave bathroom light on and extractor fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel round waist.
If you pass wife, pull off towel, grab knob, go 'Yeah baby' and thrust pelvis at her.
Put on yesterday's clothes.
