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Post by PurplySparkleyJoey on Feb 2, 2003 9:43:22 GMT -5
One of my carers son's has CP .. he lives alone and works full time ... but all his girlfriends have been disabled girls.
He doesnt care, he loves people for who they are ... but why do some disabled people actually go out thinking that they have to end up with another disabled person?
This bloke sepends most of his free time in a evening club for disabled people ... where he will only meet disabled people.
Just wondered what your thought were??
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Post by Fraggle on Feb 8, 2003 2:28:06 GMT -5
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Post by PurplySparkleyJoey on Feb 10, 2003 18:46:18 GMT -5
CASS!!!!! I will kiss you angel 
I know what you mean about disabled people having less to explain to each other .. & being part of a culture.
I also think that there are cons to havin disabled partners too though, forinstance having 2 people with similer impearments might make it harder to 'live' together? I guess it depends on what your impearment is and how much you love each other 
Dont worry about never being kissed .. i know lots of people who have internet partners, and they have great relationships ;D
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Post by freewheeler on Feb 12, 2003 14:38:48 GMT -5
Oh Fraggle!
Hey, I'd never been kissed at 16. So, you're only a eyar off. I'd say it's better to "save yourself" for someone special than any old person.
Better to have been never kissed, than had loads of meaningless snogging and fumbling in the corner etc. don't you reckon?
I know what you mean about being ill putting a damper on things. I've found it the same.
It can be depressing at times; but, the way I see it, being chronically ill/disabled tends to act as a "poo partner filter". i.e it tends to repel poo partners (yunno, the ones who are shallow, or only care about looks/image/perfection etc.).
O.K, so that doesn't mean that relationships are any easier, but, at least you don't waste your time with shallow people. That's what I reckon anyway.......
Lastly, I haven't yet had an disabled partner. But, if I could chosse, I'd definitely prefer a disabled partner, coz like you said, there's so much less to explain. So much less "training" to do (psychologically and physically).
Most, if not all able-bodied prospective partners that I've met, just don't know/don't want to know how to handle my disability, and w/chair. Relationships are hard enough, without having those kind of psychological barriers in the way.
And there's no guarantee that they will grow to accept you, see you as equal etc.
I'm probably still quite biased about this kind of thing. Because I've just finished a relationship with an able-bodied woman who could not/would not understand/accept me for being disabled.
She used my disability against me...almost dumped me when I announced that I was going to re-gain my freedom by using a w/chair, and made hurtful comments when I did mange to swallow my pride and ask for her assistance (e.g when I first asked her to help me brush my teeth, she laughed, did it in a very mother to child way, and said, hah! You'll be asking me to wipe your bum next!"
She knew that, (having watched my Grandad become severely disabled), that I was scared of the same thing happening. And (at the time), due to the fact that I didn't have a diagnosis yet, I could have been suffering from the same disease (fatal, and ending in multiple paralysis, of even facial muscles).
To say such a thing, when she knew that it was (then) my greatest fear, was, very cruel ,and heartless. Don't you think? Had she been disabled, I reckon it's very unlikely she would have said such a thing.
I've since had similarly heartless comments from a multitude of able-bodied people. And almost none from disabled ppl. Not that a disabled partner would therefore be perfect.But, there's a good chance that you would share that deep understnading of what it means to be disabled in an able-bodied world.
I value this kind of thing alot, so, it is the reason that I would much prefer my next partner to be disabled.
Unsuprisingly, able-bodied friends have misunderstood this view/wish, and labelled it narow-minded and ableist. I don't agree. For me, being disabled has been a profoundly different experience, and, I don;t think they can understand untikl they experience it themselves.
What do you reckon? Am I being ableist/narrow-minded?
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Post by Fraggle on Feb 16, 2003 22:02:16 GMT -5
If you want relationship advice from the unexperienced  ;D here it is. I think it is only narrow minded/ableist if you would never consider having a relationship with an able bodied person. And after your last relationship (I think she was a little worse than a "poo partner"!) I can understand not wanting to go through anything like that again. And about waiting for the right person, I've been too ill to leave the house for over 18 months and I'm not going out anytime soon, I also know no one in Newcastle. Oh well I can knit. I'll make a good spinster ;D |
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Post by freewheeler on Feb 19, 2003 3:27:01 GMT -5
Fraggle, how DO you stay sane? (I suppose the internet helps a lot doesn't it? It's made a great difference to my life )
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Post by Funky-Fran on Feb 19, 2003 16:15:56 GMT -5
Cbottom!!!!! I will kiss you angel She meant C.ass(with out the dot) its the whole censored words thing |
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Post by Fraggle on Feb 21, 2003 22:53:17 GMT -5
How do I stay sane? My name and sanity aren't often used in the same sentece  The internet helps a lot, but sometimes it just reminds me how alone I am. Also could Jo or Fran do something about this whole cencorship thing. It may have sounded like a good idea at the time, but how would you like your name changed to Cbottom or cbottomandra or cbottomie  |
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Post by freewheeler on Mar 5, 2003 19:34:52 GMT -5
yup, I agree with Fraggle.
The censorship is causing more trouble and irritation (to put it mildly) than it's worth.
Anyone who wants to use censored words can get around it easily, so why bother keeping it in place?
Aren't mods enough to keep the site "clean"?
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Post by Fraggle on Aug 8, 2003 22:35:40 GMT -5
CASS!!!!! I will kiss you angel
When  I'm waiting |
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Post by PurplySparkleyJoey on Aug 16, 2003 5:54:54 GMT -5
*Leans through the screen, grabs your cheeks and plants a HUGE kiss right on your lips* |
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